London Walker - Parliament: The Palace of Westminster

One of the most famous and recognizable buildings in London is that of Parliament also known as the Palace of Westminster. I have walked by Parliament numerous times and always enjoy looking at it. It is the location where the House of Commons and the House of Lords meet. It is located on the north side of the River Thames in the City of Westminster, in central London. It is right next to Westminster Abbey, which I recently shared photographs of from one of my walks there.

This building has served as the house of Parliament since the 13^th century. It has suffered through two great fires, one in 1512 and one in 1834 and has been rebuilt as well as expanded both times. It also suffered great damage during the Second World War from which it had to be repaired. Perhaps the most famous part of the structure is the Elizabeth Tower, which most people call Big Ben after the name of one of the bells in the tower.  For more information about the Parliament take a look at their website here.

Here are some of my pictures of Parliament both during the day and a few at night. The ones I took at night are not the good and often blurry but it still give you an idea of what I was seeing. 

Burrito Quest - Las Iguanas

So the quest for the best burrito in London continues. Last Thursday I meet Priya downtown at her office for lunch. We really had no specific place in mind for where we would eat. We left her office and ended up crossing the Hungerford Bridge over to Southbank. As we were walking we saw a restaurant named Las Iguanas. Now while I am going to review this place like I have with my previous blogs about burritos there are a few major differences worth noting. First it was a sit down restaurant as opposed to a fast food type of place so the food options were more varied while their burrito options were very limited. Second is it was much more expensive. Lastly, it wasn't solely a Mexican restaurant rather it describes itself as a Latin American restaurant and includes foods from Brazil and a few other South American countries.

Now when Priya and I were seated and started going through the menu it was clear that even for lunch this restaurant was priced a little higher than we had hoped. Also when I looked at their burrito options there were only a couple and you couldn't build them yourself rather you had to take what was on the menu. None of the burrito options really stuck out to me because it seemed I would have to ask them to leave out half of the ingredients they put in them. The lunch deal they had was you could get three of their smaller options (kind of like appetizers) for a reduced price. So Priya and I decided to just do that and share. Due to that fact I obviously won’t be reviewing a burrito here but rather just the Mexican food we got. We got the Lechuga Rellenos, a Chicken Quesadilla and Nachos. All in all pretty basic stuff. Here’s the menu for anyone interested in seeing what else they had.

The food took a little while to get there but once it was there we finished it fairly quickly, mostly because Priya only had an hour for lunch before she had to get back to work. The Nachos were fine, nothing special. The Quesadilla was good though the salsa it came with (“spicy” tomato) was bland. The Rellenos were by far the best of the three dishes. It had a sweet chili and beetroot salsa that I liked a lot better than I thought I would. The other thing that I would say I liked was the ice that they put in my Diet Coke. They were large, solid cubes. I like these at restaurants because they make a drink colder without needing as many pieces of ice. Many places here in London only give you 3 or 4 cubes of small ice that are basically half melted by the time they give your drink to you so you end up with one or two cold sips of soda from the top and then a fairly warm, unpleasant drink the rest of the way. The downside of course to the larger ice cubes is that they create great displacement causing you to end up being served less liquid. But for me less and cold is much better than more and warm. 

So overall based on what we had I would say the restaurant was okay but certainly nothing special. Now to be fair I didn't have any of their main courses nor did I try any of their non-Mexican dishes so there certainly could be a lot there they is quite good. But I admit it is not likely that I would choose to go back there because while the food is okay the price is quite high considering what you get. We ended up paying 25 pounds for three small starters and a couple of soft drinks. Based on what I had I would have to give Las Iguanas a 4 out of 10.

Here are some pictures of our meal

Other Burrito Blogs
Previous: Chilangos 
Next: Wahaca

My Mistakes

Well I've been living in London for almost 7 months now. Compared to living in China and South Korea the UK is certainly not as foreign a place or as difficult to maneuver because English is the dominant language so getting around on my own remains far easier than it was in Asia. Still I find there are many things here that I am struggling to get used to.

As most people know the cars drive on the opposite side of the road here as opposed to a majority of the rest of the world including the States, South Korea and China. One of the results of this is that the driver’s side of the car here in the UK is on the opposite side of the car as I’m used to. Now despite how long I've been here when Priya and I are leaving the mall or a store and going towards the car I still usually walk to the driver’s side of the car thinking it’s the passenger’s side. About a month ago I did this and to make matters worse I did it to the wrong car and there was already a person sitting there in the driver’s seat. So as I put my hand on their door I look in and saw a lady starring back at me. Whoops. I immediately looked up like there was something in the sky and then tried to causally walk away to our car. I know it didn't work but as long as I kept from making eye contact again I could try and fool myself into believing it did. Now obviously I have not had to get used to driving on the opposite side of the road because I don't drive but I do walk around a lot and to this point I still haven’t been able to train myself to look the proper way when I’m crossing the street. I look left when I need to look right and vice versa. So crossing the street has turned into quite a strain on my neck and I've had to all but abandon jaywalking except on the smallest of streets when there are almost no cars around. While I hate that I am still struggling with this I think it is a problem many people have here because when you are downtown a majority of the roads actually have arrows and directions painted onto the street informing people which way they are supposed to look before they cross the street. It is strange just how ingrained into my mind it is what direction I am supposed to look when crossing a street and unfortunately here it ends up being the wrong direction.

What day is it? Seems like a simple question but here I've run into problems answering that question properly, especially if I have to write it down. The standard way to write or say the date here is Day, Month and Year whereas in the States it’s Month, Day and Year. Now when people tell me the date I have no problem understanding what they mean even though they say the day first (it’s the 10^th of June) but when they write it down it always takes me a minute to comprehend it. Today they would write 10/6/13. When I see that I automatically think of October 6^th 2013 but it of course means June 10^th 2013. When I’m asked to write down or say the date I just automatically do the month first. So I've had to redo a bunch of forms and applications because I wrote the date wrong without even thinking about it.

What's your phone number? Again another simple question that I don't seem to be able to answer properly. In the States phone numbers are 10 digits when including the area code, which most people do at this point. When someone asks your phone number you respond with a set pattern of 3, 3, 4. Meaning you say the first 3 digits pause then the second 3 digits pause and then the last 4 digits by doing 2 digits pause 2 digits end. (da da da...pause...da da da pause da da pause da da). When giving the number most people really don't realize how important this pattern is. In America if someone starts to give you a phone number and they say 3031..02...462...7 it totally throws you off and makes it difficult to follow. Whereas if they just say 303...102...46...27 then it makes perfect sense. Here in the UK you have 11 digits in a phone number and the set pattern is 4, 3, 4. And the way it tends to be said is the first four digits are given (no pause in the middle) pause then the next 3 digits are given pause and then the final four digits are given with a pause in the middle. (da da da da...pause...da da da...pause...da da...pause...da da). This has been very difficult for me to adapt to especially when giving my number out. When I tell a person my phone number I still often just go 3, 3, 4 and then realize I have a digit left over at the end and I have clearly thrown the person off who is trying to write the number down because I'm messing up the set pattern. It can be quite embarrassing when I do it and I've had to apologize many times.  

What's your name? A simple question that I can answer simply: my name is Zach. How do you spell that? Another simple question but one that I continue to mess up here. Of course the answer always begins with the letter Z. The problem is that I pronounce Z as Zee but here in the UK the letter Z is not pronounced that way rather it is pronounced as Zed. And no matter how many times I've had to spell my name out loud to someone I always say Zee rather than Zed and it has only been in the past month that I have even begun to almost catch myself but I'm still not there yet. It really is kind of embarrassing when you can't spell your own name at the age of 32. 

Now even though everyone speaks English here some of the things I have yet to become accustomed to actually do surround language and the different vocabulary used here verses in the States. Priya and I actually made a short post about some of the different words we (British vs American) used to mean the same things back in January. Take a look here. Now a majority of the time the different vocabulary isn't a big deal because they are two words that mean the same thing but there are times when the same word can be used to mean two different things and that is when you run into problems. One example would be the word lemonade. To me when I want lemonade that means I want a lemon flavored drink that is some combination of water, sugar and lemon juice. But if I order lemonade at a restaurant here I will end up with a Sprite in front of me. To get what I want I had to learn to ask for cloudy lemonade rather than just lemonade. Along similar lines the word chips here do not mean what I am used to. For me chips are thin, crispy pieces of potato or corn that you eat with sandwiches or something like that whereas here in the UK if you ask for chips you are going to end up with French fries.  So if I say I want a sandwich and some chips people think I want a sandwich with French fries. For them the word I am supposed to use to get the Doritos I want is crisps not chips. Now sometime I just say the wrong word like when I’m dealing with money. Over here the units of measure for money are pounds and pence and yet more often than not when I see the price of something I say dollars and cents by mistake. Often, even if I remember to say pounds I will still say cents rather than pence. I think, in part that is because those two words rhyme. What is kind of odd about that mistake is it never happened to me in Korea or China I always remembered the right word to use there.

Finally there is the issue of what floor I’m on. When I walk into the mall or the store I think of myself as being on the first floor because that is what I would say in the States but when I say that here that is wrong. Here what I call the first floor is called the ground floor and what they call the first floor is what I would call the second floor and so on. So when I’m in a store and I look at the directory and see that the stuff I want is on the third floor I often think alright I will just walk up two flights of stairs and be where I want to be of course this is wrong. After walking up two flights of stairs I am on what is called the second floor here rather than the third. So numerous times I've been wandering around stores, especially book stores, looking for the section I want before I realize I’m on the wrong floor.  

So there are some of the things that despite being here seven months still cause me trouble and continue to remind me that I really am in a foreign country even if it isn't quite as foreign as some of the others I've lived in. 

London Walker - Westminster Abbey

Recently on one of my walks downtown I got to see Westminster Abbey for the first time. It is a very beautiful building. Unfortunately because I was there on a Sunday I was not able to go inside and look around. On Sunday the building is only open for worship there are no tourists allowed. During the rest of the week there are general times during the day that anyone can go inside and look around or get tours (audio tours or with a tour guide). The truth is even if I had been there at a time when visitors are allowed inside I would not have gone in because admission is not free. The admission is fairly expensive somewhere around 20 pounds though the number isn’t really that important for me because I just didn’t have any money. Besides just the building itself Westminster Abbey also has wonderful gardens, a gift shop and a café.

For those interested here is a little bit of the history behind the Abbey, which I grabbed off of their website. (for my American friends please note that the spelling used is British standard not American)

Westminster Abbey is steeped in more than a thousand years of history. Benedictine monks first came to this site in the middle of the tenth century, establishing a tradition of daily worship which continues to this day.

The Abbey has been the coronation church since 1066 and is the final resting place of seventeen monarchs.

The present church, begun by Henry III in 1245, is one of the most important Gothic buildings in the country, with the medieval shrine of an Anglo-Saxon saint still at its heart.

A treasure house of paintings, stained glass, pavements, textiles and other artefacts, Westminster Abbey is also the place where some of the most significant people in the nation's history are buried or commemorated. Taken as a whole the tombs and memorials comprise the most significant single collection of monumental sculpture anywhere in the United Kingdom.

The Library and Muniment Room houses the important (and growing) collections of archives, printed books and manuscripts belonging to the Dean and Chapter of Westminster, providing a centre for their study and for research into all aspects of the Abbey's long and varied history.

It really is a beautiful building. So I would recommend having a look at the Abbey to anyone visiting or living in London. Here are some of the pictures I took on my walk around the building. 

Burrito Quest - Chilangos

For those who don’t know I recently decided to blog about one of the things I love the most in this world and that is Mexican food in particular the burrito. As I mentioned in my first blog about my quest for the best burrito here, London really isn't the place to come for the finest Mexican food. Still you've got to look for the best wherever you are at and I am finding that there actually are some pretty good burritos to be had out here. So I am here to share more of my experiences and thoughts on London burritos.

Let me remind everyone that when it comes to burritos I judge them based on eight categories. First is the quantity of available options on the menu. Second is the quality of the individual ingredients. Third is the ratio of those ingredients in the burrito basically how much of each ingredient is there. Forth is the strength and execution of the wrap, does the tortilla tear easily or fall apart in my hand? Fifth is the size of the burrito bigger is usually better. Sixth is the overall taste of the burrito. Seventh is the price of the burrito. I’m willing to pay for quality. Eighth and lastly is what I call the two hour tummy factor. Meaning how does the burrito makes me feel a few hours later because it can be great in your mouth but not so great in your digestive system especially if you are walking home, which I almost always am. Now the other variable that is much harder to take into account is that of the individual server who is helping you. Often when a burrito is made it is difficult to know if the ratios of each ingredient given to you are those that the restaurant wants or just those that the server feels like giving. Similarly when it comes to the strength of the wrap it often comes down to the skill and experience of the person wrapping the burrito rather than just the quality of the tortilla. Due to this is can be hard to properly judge a place without going there a few times unless the food is just horrible than what’s the point, right? So I try to be fair to all the places I go especially the first time and focus more on the food than the service.

Today I am going to review Chilango. Chilango is a Mexican restaurant that currently has five locations in London four of which are in central London while the fifth is a little farther north of the city. I visited the location on Chancery Lane, which is only about a block away from the Chancery Lane Tube Station. One can take the Central Line to the station and exit out the Southwestern exit though I’m not sure what number the exit is. Basically the exit will have Chancery Lane listed on it, which is the opposite direction of St Paul’s Cathedral from that station. Walk out the exit and just walk straight. You will cross one minor side street and then come to Chancery Lane. Head south (left) and the restaurant will be just a few stores down on the West side (right side) of the street.

So when I walked into the restaurant I found it to be fairly well designed with fun decoration. The space stores have in downtown London is usually pretty limited so what a store, particularly a restaurant, does with that space is quite important. This Chilangos had a wide path from the door to the service line making it large enough to allow for a long line to grow without getting in the way of those going down the service line. A few places I've been in have been so tight that you spend your time in line constantly trying to move out of the way of the people coming back who just got there food only to then get your order and struggle to push your way back through the line of waiting customers trying not to drop your food. Now the seating at Chilangos wasn't my favorite because it was made up of long tables with stools on both sides. So when the tables were full you would look up and be face to face with the person on the other side of the table from you, which if you don’t know the person can be less than comfortable particularly while you’re eating. So there weren't any private tables one could have to themselves but I understand the reasoning given the limited space. All that to say I thought Chilangos did a pretty good job with the space they had.

The walls were brick and decorated with bright colored pictures that had been spray painted onto the walls. They also had Mexican wrestling masks all over the place. Their logo is a cartoon of a Mexican wrestler and they used that theme throughout their restaurant including with the images they spray painted onto the wall. I thought it was pretty funny. It reminded me of Jack Black’s movie Nacho Libre. They also had comment cards on every table and a box for you to place them in near the front of the store. I made sure to fill one out and let them know what I thought about the place because they were very nice to me and they were quick to come over and clean up after me before I left. I actually don’t like it when workers come and take my tray or basket away from me because it makes me feel lazy like they are doing something for me that I can and should do myself. But I have noticed that here in London most people just leave their trash and trays on the table when they leave rather than clearing it themselves despite all the trash cans around.  

Okay let’s get to the food. I had a chicken burrito with white rice, black beans, pico de gallo and roasted tomato salsa and cheese. So how was it? Let’s go through the categories one by one. First is the number of available options. Chilangos did just fine with their menu. You could get burritos, tacos, salads and nachos. They had three salsas, your choice of black or pinto beans, guacamole and tortilla chips along with all the other normal things like cheese, sour cream and peppers and onions. Now they only had one type of rice, white rice but hey I like white rice even though it isn't the healthiest of options so no complaints from me.

Second is the quality of the individual ingredients. Here is where you could tell you were getting a quality burrito. The black beans and cheese were good, the salsas were fresh and perhaps best of all was the chicken. For me the meat is not usually my favorite part of a burrito rather it is the salsas and cheese that go over the meat and add flavor. But at Chilangos it was the meat that made this burrito stand out. They advertise on their website and in the store that their chicken is marinated for 24 hours in their special chili marinade and while I've heard similar claims like this from other places Chilangos chicken really lives up to the marketing. It was juicy, tender, spicy and simply delicious. I actually pulled out some pieces of the chicken while I was having the burrito just so I could taste it on its own away from the other ingredients in the burrito and the flavor was wonderful. The chicken made me eager to come back some time so I could try the pork and see how that compares. The salsas also need to be mentioned. Now the pico de gallo salsa was kind of bland. Like so many other places here it tasted more like it was just chopped up tomatoes than a salsa. I would have liked some more cilantro and some more peppers in it. I know it is meant to be a mild salsa but I still want a little spice to get it past the simple tomato taste. Now the roasted tomato salsa was great. It was labeled as the medium salsa so I went for it even though I usually get the green chili salsas rather than the reds but I was glad I went with this one. It was packed with good flavors and helped make up for any of the shortcomings of the pico de gallo. The beans and cheese were good though not amazing and the tortilla was nicely steamed and soft. 

Third is the ratio of the ingredients in the burrito. The server I got did a good job with the ratio of my ingredients. She didn't put too much of any one item in the burrito that would cause it to dominate the overall taste. She also did a great job of laying out the ingredients on the tortilla so that the ingredients were evenly spread throughout the entire burrito. On my first bite I was tasting rice, meat, beans and salsa. At many restaurants your first bites are little more than rice and beans but this woman knew what she was doing. It was only the cheese that she went a bit light on. In the line I even asked for more but still felt a little slighted but hey I have to realize that outside of America people don’t load cheese up on top of everything like we do in the States. Still when you want cheese you want cheese, right? But really overall the ratio of everything was great. It led to a moist, tasty burrito from end to end.

Fourth is the strength and quality of the wrap of the burrito. Now the tortilla itself was good and steamed well but the overall wrap of the server was not the best. When I opened up the foil one of the ends had already opened up and was starting to drip a bit onto the outside of the tortilla. This was in large part because the server had wrapped the burrito in a way that one of the ends was far larger than the other. By that I mean one of the ends had a lot more of the tortilla than the other. Now the burrito wasn't that big so the weak wrap didn't really end up being an issue. It simply opened up on one end while the other was made up of so much tortilla that it didn't come apart.

Fifth is the size of the burrito. Now the size of the burrito is probably my biggest complaint about my Chilango burrito though in a way it also becomes quite a complement. The burrito wasn't just undersized it was actually small. The burrito was the size of just one of my hands. I didn't need two hands to hold it rather I could easily wrapped the fingers of just one hand around it. It reminded me of a slightly thicker, not longer, version of a Taco Bell burrito. Now by no means should it be compared to Taco Bell in any other way but it really was too small especially for the price. When I finished I was very tempted to go buy another burrito but I just could afford it so I didn't do it. Now again my complaint about the size can be seen as compliment because the fact was the burrito was so good I wanted more but again it was just too much money to spend for a second one. Now having only been there once I don’t know if the size I got is the normal size or perhaps I just got a small one.

Sixth is the overall taste. The overall taste was great I’m even tempted to say perfect but of course I can’t say that. Most of the flavors complimented each other and were consistent throughout the burrito. No single ingredient or taste took over the burrito. It was moist all the way through with no dry or hard things one had to chew on. This is definitely a burrito worth tasting.

Seventh is the price. When I bought the burrito the price seemed just fine. It was right in line with every other burrito I have bought in London. Right around 6 pounds but once I saw the burrito in my one hand and then saw how quickly it disappeared I just felt I had been over charged for what I got. Don’t get me wrong it is one of the best burritos I've had here in London and clearly it is made from quality ingredients so I can tell you I will be going back there for sure but I still felt the burrito was just too small. I thought I paid for more than I got. 

Eighth and last is how it makes me feel a few hours later. This category always remains important to me as a person who walks everywhere. When I went to Chilango I had an appointment to get my fingerprints taken and that was in a building about a mile away and from Chilangos then I had to walk to Priya’s office to meet her after work, which was about 1.5 from the place I was getting my fingerprints taken. So after eating this burrito I had a good 2.5 miles worth of walking to do. During my walk I was quite happy to find that I didn't have any stomach issues of which to complain. The food settled nicely and hasn't caused any major issues since I ate it and you can never oversell what a great quality that is in a burrito.

So that was my experience at Chilango. Overall an amazing burrito but it is far too small for what you pay. Now don’t let that stop you from going. The food won’t disappoint and I have little doubt that many people would find the portions more than enough but for me they weren't. And to be fair I have only been once so I might have just received a smaller burrito than is normal for them. So overall for a London burrito I would give Chilangos an 8 out of 10. Enjoy.

Other Burrito Blogs
Previous: Nineteen Ten Mexican Kitchen
Next: Las Iguanas 

Small Changes

Priya and I are coming up on 4 months of marriage. Now obviously when you get married a lot of big things change but perhaps just as importantly so do a lot of small things and what I've found is that dealing with the small changes can be just as challenging as dealing with the big ones. I think that is in part because you tend to know what big changes are coming whereas the small ones are a surprise. When you first live together everyone knows you have to get used to sleeping in the same bed, sharing a bathroom, combining your finances, choosing food, cleaning up after one another and even sharing the TV and while these things are certainly challenging none of them were unexpected rather they were all things that were easy to see coming. But the small issues are sneaky they are the ones that you didn't see coming and the reason you didn't see them coming is because a majority of the time they surround the issue of one’s habits the things you do that you don’t even know you do. An example is that after I use the bathroom I always leave the door open whereas when Priya uses the bathroom she usually leaves the door closed. Now this has not created any problems it is just an example of how most of the little things we do in the day are habits that were shaped a long time ago. If I step back and think about it I don’t leave the bathroom door open on purpose meaning that I don’t leave the bathroom door open because I think it’s the right thing to do rather it is simply what I do without thinking about it. And that’s what a habit is, a repeated action done with little thought put into it.

  

Now the problem with habits is that while they are almost always thoughtless actions to the person doing them they are not always viewed as such by the other person dealing with them. Basically there are habits your partner might have that just annoy you or cause you problems despite the fact that your partner does not do these things intentionally to bother you…hopefully. Now while I think it is always good to talk about this kind of stuff it can be hard to bring them up because you don’t want to hurt the feelings of your partner and because the things you are now asking them to try and change are things they don’t tend to think about in the first place. So whether it be where you put the keys, rinsing the dishes when you put them in the sink, the temperature you place on the thermostat, cleaning the hairbrush after using it, how to organize and store the food in the refrigerator, hanging up your jacket at the end of the day, drinking out of the other person’s cup or any other numerous habitual things you and your partner do in a day you have to realize these things do affect the other person. And yes that list is made up of personal examples of both Priya and I. Therefore one must be open to at least reexamining their habits and be willing to try and change some of them for the one they love no matter how hard it is to suddenly think about the things that were previously thoughtless like leaving one’s wallet out on the dresser (me) or letting Colby (the cat) in our room (her). 

I recently discovered a habit of mine that creates problems for Priya and it is something I never even noticed. It seems once Priya and I have gotten into bed with the intention of sleeping soon I have a tendency to get up a lot whether it be to go to the bathroom or because I forgot to do something or because I just want some water. The other night I got in and out of bed 5 or 6 times within a 30 minute period. Now I rarely noticed this about myself let alone thought about the repercussions of this action upon Priya. Priya explained to me that once she gets into bed it is a time that she begins to unwind and relax from the day and this unwinding period is very important for her in order to actually get to sleep. So when I get in and out of the bed it interrupts that time of relaxing for her and makes her have to start over once I get back into bed. When I found this out I of course felt terrible because I had no idea that just by getting out of the bed I was making it harder for Priya to fall asleep though when you think about I’m sure having someone else move around a lot in the bed would make it harder for anyone to sleep. The fact is Priya has a hard time sleeping even when I’m not involved. It often takes her an hour of relaxing, usually with background noise from the TV to fall asleep and even then she only sleeps for an hour or two before she’ll wake up and have to go through the whole process again. So there are many nights she is only getting 3 or 4 hours of sleep before she has to get up and go to work. Now while I have known Priya wasn't a heavy sleeper for quite some time I just didn't really take into account how my movements affected her ability to sleep. For some reason I tended to associate her sleeping pattern with time rather than environment. By that I mean I thought she tended to fall asleep around the same time each night as well as wake up around the same time and thus I thought the time had something to do with her struggles sleeping rather than what was happening around her. So for me if it was 30 minutes before the time that she often dozes off I didn't think my action of getting in and out of bed mattered I just thought she would fall asleep around that time no matter what I did. But now that I know that that period of relaxing in bed before falling asleep is an important part of Priya being able to sleep I try to be more cognizant of getting in and out of the bed.

What is difficult for me in this process is that for better or worse there is something about lying down in bed that makes my head jump into action. I can be sitting in a chair starring at the wall and not be able to think of anything I need or want to do before I get into bed but the second I put my head on a pillow things just jump into my head or my body making me want or need to get up. Often I find I need to go to the bathroom or I realize I forgot to take my medicine or I think of something I want to write about the next day so I want to leave myself a note in order that I don’t forget it. Trying to change this about myself is difficult because I can’t just turn my mind off when I get into the bed. Now Priya was very kind when she shared all of this with me. She wasn't angry or yelling at me because she of course knew that I wasn't getting out of bed to intentionally bother her. In fact what was somewhat humorous about when she brought it up was that during the evening she talked to me I was a getting out of the bed frequently because something I had eaten earlier was not agreeing with my stomach and needless to say I was fairly gaseous. So I was actually getting out of the bed and leaving the room in an attempt to save her from suffering from my dietary mistakes. Now I didn't tell her that when I was getting out of bed nor did I even tell her right away when she told me how my actions were bothering her. Rather I kept it to myself at first because I was fairly embarrassed and didn't want her to know that was what was going on so I didn't share that secret information with her until the next day. Now the fact that I'm even confessing this in writing is fairly surprising to me but hey it makes for a clearer picture of what happened and it is kind of funny when you think about it. Anyway I appreciated her gentleness when she spoke to me about how I was bothering her and it made me want to change all the more for her but it still can be difficult for me to think about it before I just get out of bed. Normally when something pops into my head I just get up to deal with it. It’s a habit and now that I find myself trying to think about it I see just how hard it is to change one’s habits. Since our discussion there have been times I have gotten into bed and like always I think of something I want or need to do and I get out of bed only to suddenly remember that I’m doing something that creates difficulties for Priya. I, of course, I don’t want to create difficulties for Priya especially since she is the one who has to get up and work every day while at this time I don’t but it is just hard to stop yourself from doing the things you do unconsciously. Now with most habits we both have to give a little, one of us tries to be more aware of our habits while the other becomes more accustomed to them but in this example I believe the responsibility for changing falls more on my shoulders rather than hers. Priya would say this habit of mine doesn't annoy her as much as just making it harder for her to sleep and to me that is only all the more reason why this habit of mine is so important to deal with. And while this isn't the perfect example of how little habits can create stress on a relationship it was the event that made me think about that issue.

As time moves on I think both of us are becoming braver with talking to each other about something that might be bothering us and likewise we are both trying to be open to adjusting our behavior to help the other. That is not to say that we always agree or are happy about the other person’s objections but hey this is part of having a real relationship, right? When I was in China by myself I certainly never had to compromise about what to eat or what movie to watch and I never thought about my general day to day habits and how they might affect someone else because there was no one else. Now while there are certainly nice things about not needing to think about that kind of stuff the fact was that once I made my decision of what to eat and what movie to watch with no “annoying” issues I noticed that I was doing those things alone. And I must say that I’d rather watch a movie I don’t want to see with Priya than watch a movie I want to see by myself though in reality it is much more common that Priya watches a movie that she doesn't want to see for my sake than the other way around. So I guess I should say I would rather make Priya watch a movie with me that she doesn't want to see than watch it by myself. Of course that can often lead to me getting a bit aggravated as Priya feels the need to point out all the scientific flaws in an awesome movie like Face-Off with Nicholas Cage and John Travolta. I mean come on I’m not saying the movie deserves an Oscar but can you really have more fun than two guys switching faces and blowing stuff up? The answer, of course, is no unless you have Bruce Willis in Die Hard.

So all that to say, the small things we do, often without thinking, really do matter. Perhaps for just for one day we should all step back and try to think about why we do each of the small things we do and then think about how those things may be affecting our partners because we care about them and it’s also just fun to try and figure out why you actually do all the things you do. I still can’t don’t have a good reason for why I always leave the bathroom door open but I always do.